Emptiness
Hello again, I am back! I apologize that I have been missing, consistency is something I am working on and having a hard time with! But I just had to come on here to type what has been on my mind for the past couple of days.
Last night I went on another Shroom Trip, and it was the most intense trip I have ever had. I kept seeing all over Instagram that it was a "Super Pink Moon" (Still don't really know what that means) so I am not sure if that had anything to do with my new realizations and lessons I've learned. From what I read from a quick google search is that this Super Pink Moon is here to help us let go and transition in life and find some clarity.
Chris did not do Shrooms with me, but he did let me ramble about what's been on my mind when I was coming down from my trip. What I realized about myself made me tear up, in a good way. I told him that this journey makes me feel alone and lost and that it's so hard for me at times. It's hard when people don't understand me. It's hard when people laugh and make fun. It's hard when people ask me to talk about what I'm going through and seeing the look on their faces that give me the vibe like "Ok ...you loca" haha. You truly feel like you are losing it and you start to question yourself. But I understand that not everyone will get it, and that's ok. I absolutely LOVE this journey, the loneliness and all. I am so anxious and excited to learn more, but I know in time I will gain the knowledge I have been seeking.
I now look in the mirror and see a strong, beautiful, bad ass, & confident woman. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER REACH THIS MINDSET. It makes me cry because I now feel so free. Spirituality is a gift and a blessing, and not everyone gets a chance to experience it. It's a lot to take in and process. Everything is slowly aligning for me, and when I say slowly I mean SLOWLYYYYYYYYYYY haha. Surrendering my mind to these little mushrooms is always scary, but I trust myself to know that I will be ok and know that I am not alone.
What is my purpose on this spiritual journey? I have no freaking idea, but I am here for the ride. I am so impressed with my mind. How and when did I become this strong? It's still unbelievable but I am so grateful for my life. I came a long way.
What's next on my journey is how to live a healthier life for my "human body". And I say that because I learned that every single thing you do affects you mentally and physically. When I am sad or stressed, I reach for the junk food. When I am dealing with a friend that is going through it, I reach for the junk food. When I am super extra happy, I celebrate and reach for the junk food. I am in control of what I eat and the energy around me, and this is why my weight keeps fluctuating. I am beyond thankful that I love my body the way it is now, chubs and rolls and all, but I still want to feed it the right nutrients. I want to eat clean and drink more water. I want to control my habits a little better. I want to learn what food benefits you for whatever reason and how. Does this make any sense? LOL my brain is all over right now. I almost want to take a nutrition class to start off because researching is so overwhelming to me. I don't really know where to start, but I will figure it out...I always do.
Whoever comes to my blog, comes for a reason. And whatever your reason, I am glad you stopped by. Whatever you are going through, you are not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you continue to tend to yourself and do the inner work, you will be ok. I promise. It will be hard, and there will be days where you want to give up and say "fuck this"...but once you get through that and push through, the reward is priceless. Stay strong everyone, we will get through our funks together.
