higher self
I'm a little stoned at the moment...so I apologize if some shit doesn't make sense. If I find it, I will fix it later*
5:15pm
When I first started my cosmic journey (I decided I'm going to rebrand what I call my "spiritual journey" lol), I journaled a lot of chaotic & endless thoughts. & when I say "a lot,"-- I mean almost every little thought that would pass in my head by the minute was jotted down..."a lot." When I started to re-read the notes I've taken over the past 2 years, I felt as though I could differentiate numerous voices or tones in my head. Almost as if there were more than 1 person...talking? I would get specific tingly feelings in my body when I read some of my old writings, and I came to notice that when I would get those tingly feelings, it was usually because my words were more wise, orrr intellectual. So what does this mean?
I did a little research and came to my own conclusion that I believe I have been channeling my "Higher Self".
ABOUT 30 MINUTES LATER*
Shoot, I now cannot think where I wanted to go with this blog post, but here we are. I believe I focused on that above paragraph for like what...20-30 minutes?? All I know is that I want to utilize my blog more to document my thoughts & realizations in further detail. Like I want to see every sub thought before my actual thought type of detail lol. I am here leaving myself hints all over the place, in hopes to put more puzzle pieces of my life together. If I could explain what I'm feeling right now, I feel a sense of flow and creativity. And I feel like I am in the "zone". My fingers are quickly typing these letters to form the words that I am thinking, and it feels nice. Whereas above, I was thinking way too hard on what I wanted to say, what words to choose, etc.
To be honest, ever since I found out some horrific shit about my childhood a couple days ago, it feels like a HUGE chunk of bullshit was released from within me. Like gunk that needed to be flushed out. There is now more space in me to heal. I can finally breathe. I can finally make room for all of the wonderful things I want in life. I had to go through that heartache & trauma, and I guess I had to go through bullshit time & time again until I learned my lesson and completed that cycle. I finally see the light, and I currently feel free & at peace. How is that even possible? I wonder that as well....
This feeling feels so familiar! If I were to put it in words, it feels as though.... I'm dying?? But if that is so, then I have died numerous times before. How could that be possible? I'm obviously still physically here typing this blog post. Do we not know much about death? Or are we truly infinite creatures? Hmph.
6:05pm:
I wake up everyday and choose to do better. For me, For Chris, For Us, For Family, & for the world. Even if it's just that 1%, it's more than enough.
6:36pm:
Chris is currently saying "Oh, it's because never mind. 2P03 and that turns to, that stays together because that's the...whatever it's called...I don't remember the name..." as he's doing his homework and talking aloud.
<3
